Here is what I have come to learn in my dating experiences (and, for sure, others have had more and definitely better, but I have had enough to learn a couple of things): do not make a rule about when it is “acceptable” to sleep with someone. I always feel like maybe I need to wait a few dates, to make sure the person actually likes me and there is a possibility of the future. But, after 5 or 15 dates, it is still entirely possible that the guy will ghost. Or you will learn he has a wife, or a child, or (worse?) a collection of koala figurines in his house that he dusts each day. This last example is not something I have yet encountered, but if I do, I will laugh because I had one when I was 8.
I recently said goodbye to a guy I had 3 dates with. And, on our third date as we were making out at my apartment, I decided I did not want to sleep with him because I wasn’t sure I would ever seen him again. Twenty minutes later, I got a condom and…..you know the rest of the story. There was cuddling afterwards, there were texts exchanged for a few days while I was in Mexico. But, after that……crickets. Don’t know if he decided on that last date that it was over, or if time apart just kind of made him go “meh”. Either way, I was stuck in the world of my head for a week, wondering what I had said or what I had done on that last date to make him disappear. Did I drink too much? Did I make an offensive joke about Floridians (he was from Florida and, sorry, but they have caused too many electoral errors not to be made fun of)? Maybe it was the night of the deed – I don’t know!! But, I also know, stressing about it is not going to change the outcome.
People come into our lives. Some stick, some don’t. I am utterly in love with all of the people in my life who have stuck. And the funny thing is, this particular one (who has not stuck) wasn’t even that great. I wasn’t entirely into him. But something in my 30-everything being is telling me that I need to find someone.And it is annoying the FUCK out of me. I know it sounds trite “be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else”, but it is also true. I just wish I knew what in God’s name I am looking for that will make me happy.
So, that is all for now. I never promised this blog would be all sunshine and happiness. I am bitter and lost. But, my journey to find myself out of the weeds is often entertaining. So I hope you stay tuned (I’m sort of obligated to). 🙂